Work confidence does not require you to be the most vocal in a meeting. Confidence can mean asking a clear question, admitting what you do not yet know or making a considered recommendation. The question to ask is not ‘How can I appear fearless?’ but ‘What will support me to act, even when there is some uncertainty?’
This resource provides a small and repeatable practice: prepare for one situation, try one manageable action and reflect on what happened. You can develop confidence in a specific area without changing who you are.
Start with a situation rather than a general statement
‘I lack confidence’ is not very useful. ‘I tend to hold back when there are senior staff in meetings’ is something you can practise. Identify a situation in which you hold back, what you would like to do and what causes you to hold back.
Distinguish between a lack of skills and an unfamiliar situation or an unsupportive environment. If you find a financial report difficult to understand then you may need training. If you understand a financial report but struggle to take part in discussion then you may need a speaking strategy. If others interrupt or dismiss your comments then personal confidence is only part of the issue.
Make preparation manageable and useful
Preparation provides something to fall back on. Before a meeting identify one thing you want to say and one thing you want to ask. Capture a short version of each. You do not need to prepare for every exchange.
- Point: ‘The customer feedback suggests a simpler initial step would be beneficial.’
- Evidence: ‘Three out of five interviews highlighted difficulty with getting started.’
- Suggestion: ‘Could we try the shorter version with a small number of people next week?’
Set a time limit for preparing. Rephrasing the same sentence for an hour can be another way of delaying your involvement. Aim to be ready enough to contribute rather than certain that no one can disagree.
Try one action that is slightly outside of your comfort zone
Set up a ladder of actions. You could start with asking a question in a one-to-one meeting. You could follow this with sharing an observation in a small meeting and then a short presentation to a larger group. Begin with an action that is manageable.
Choose an action that is under your control. For example, ‘I will share my suggestion once’ is more useful than ‘I will make everyone think I am impressive.’ Try the action in a few different situations before trying to increase the difficulty. A difficult attempt does not mean you have gone back to the start of the ladder.
Use your natural communication style
If you tend to take time to think before speaking then make this part of your approach. Read the agenda in advance, request more information or provide a written follow-up. Written communication can support your contribution but should not be the only way into decision-making.
Useful opening statements might include ‘One pattern I noticed is…’, ‘My suggestion is…’ and ‘I have a question regarding the assumption behind that.’ You can communicate effectively without trying to imitate someone else’s communication style. Do not bury a valid point behind multiple apologies, but you do not need to communicate in a way that appears unnaturally assertive.
Keep a record of useful actions
Once a week identify three items: something you did, something you said that was useful and something you learnt. Record the action and the impact of that action even if the impact is small. ‘Clarified the deadline and prevented duplication of effort’ is more useful than ‘I had a good week.’
When someone gives you positive feedback, record the feedback in your own words. If an action failed, try to identify something you would do differently next time. This will allow you to assess your performance using more than your feelings at the end of a difficult week.
Ask for specific feedback
‘Am I doing well?’ often provides vague reassurance. Try asking a colleague who has observed your contribution ‘Was my explanation easy to follow?’ or ‘What would make my suggestion more effective?’ Try to ask for feedback on one action and to identify one change to the action.
People can disagree with your idea without judging your worth. Try to separate feedback from the interpretation you place on it. ‘The suggestion would benefit from clearer costs’ is actionable. ‘I should never speak again’ is a conclusion the feedback does not support.
Recognise the limitations of confidence
Exclusion, bullying, harassment or unfair treatment that occurs repeatedly is not simply a confidence issue. Make a factual record where safe and consider accessing support from a trusted manager, workplace representative or qualified local adviser. Procedures and protections vary across countries and organisations. You do not need to practise being more assertive in a situation that feels unsafe.
Next steps
Identify one situation you will encounter in the near future. Identify what you will say, when you will say it and spend five minutes afterwards reflecting on what happened. What went well? What will you repeat? What is the next small step?
If you are avoiding a conversation, try using our framework for difficult conversations. If you want to turn practice into a longer-term goal, try creating a professional development plan.
